An Update!

I have been informed by several people that I need to update my blog. In all honesty, I know they are right, but I simply have not been able to put words on this page. There are two almost fully-formed blogs in the queue that I just could not bring myself to publish. They were just talking and no substance.

For those of you reading that know me, you know that I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to my writing. This was particularly problematic when it came to my media writing course at LSU. My professor demanded 22 papers in one semester and did not care if I was 100 percent satisfied with my word usage or sentence structure. And, I found a way to made it work. I learned to create a new set of standards for my writing. That is what I must do now.

The main purpose of this blog is to keep those back home updated on my life and on the work I am doing in Budapest. So, here it goes:

My official date of departure is Oct. 10. While in Hungary, I will be staying in a youth hostel. It is basically a glorified dorm room, but I will have my own room with my own bathroom! I consider it a win.

My job focus will be communication for the Reformed Church in Hungary. I will be writing articles and PR material in English, as well as maintaining the English-based website. I will also be a guide to any international guests, and will be doing limited English language tutoring with refugees.

This Sunday, Sept 23, is my commissioning service at my home church in Baton Rouge. My family and church family have been wonderfully supportive in my decision to serve overseas. Their prayers, congratulations and excitement have fueled me on through this transitional period. I wish they could understand how much their encouraging words have meant to me. Instead, I will put my thanks here. Without their support, I do not know that I would have had the courage to take this leap.

Shortly after my commissioning, I depart for Indianapolis for a mission conference. Here, I will meet other missionaries from Global Ministries and go through some mission training. I am incredibly excited to hear the personal stories from those missionaries who have experienced everything that is currently an unknown for me.

I am bringing my laptop with me and I will do my darndest to get a post on this blog while I am in Indianapolis!

Until then...

Stuck in the Middle

How do you contain such an intense excitement, so it doesn't dissipate over time? Is that even possible? I'm living through an awkward lull right now. I feel like Debra Messing in the Wedding Date - she's packing and gets to a point where she's running everywhere and can't decide what chore to tackle or what move to make. She ends up in the kitchen, moving in this cartoonish dance of indecision. Debra Messing makes it look light-hearted and funny. My dance makes me look uncommitted. Maybe it's because there is so much to think about or do that I don't know where to start. Or maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe I'm really insecure and my coping mechanism is avoidance. Or, maybe I'm selling myself short.

It's an interesting position. The middle. I fluctuate between total confidence in myself and total confidence I'm going to fail. How do you prepare for an experience that's so ambiguous? I feel like my brain continues to churn out question after question and I'm no closer to any semblance of an answer. While indescribably frustrating, it's also entertaining. It's as if God is chuckling and saying, "welcome to life." There will never be a highlighted Google Map route to navigate my immature feelings or uncertain future. The future will always be uncertain, that's what makes life enthralling and terrifying.

Amy, you're not special. Everyone is wary of the unknown and anxious in the "between" time. Even though the end is stretched beyond my vision, I know it exists and I know I'm headed in the right direction. Just keep swimming...just keep swimming.

And Commence Panic

I have just returned home from Indianapolis, IN. There, I interviewed with several members of the Global Ministries team, and have been officially approved as a Global Mission Intern for Hungary! Holy cow, y'all. Is this real? Am I really going to spend the next year in Budapest, Hungary? The answer to both of course, is "yes." And to be honest, I couldn't be happier or more terrified.

I am so excited for the challenges this position will bring me, and for all the relationships and opportunities for growth I will surely experience. Also, I'm selfishly excited to be a tourist, and to be surrounded by the beautiful backdrop that is Budapest. But, what of those things I don't know and can't possibly anticipate?What about the language differences? What if I don't like it? What if, what if, what if...At this point, I'm filled with more questions than answers. But, as I sit here writing out the seemingly endless litany of questions, I realized it's good to be scared. That means I'm taking a chance - testing myself. I'm challenging myself to be more than my current definition.

Without uncertainty and change can we ever really grow? Honestly, I don't think we can. So, as I look forward to this trip and the unknown, I want to take stock of my life. I want to drink in my life and appreciate everything I have come to be. Perhaps it's the mystery of the next year or simply a part of growing up, but I want to cling to my past for the loyalty it's shown me, and at the same time embrace the unknown future with both hands. I want to continue to deepen the relationships I have at home, and work to cultivate new bonds in a new place. It's a conundrum - beautiful, heartbreaking, anxious, frightening and exciting conundrum.

The only thing I know for sure is that no matter where I am, God is there and He has faith in me. And with that answer, what question is there?

Psalm 37 v 23/24

Our steps are made firm by the

    Lord,

  when he delights in our way;

 though we stumble, we shall

    not fall headlong,

 for the Lord holds us by the

    hand