How do you contain such an intense excitement, so it doesn't dissipate over time? Is that even possible? I'm living through an awkward lull right now. I feel like Debra Messing in the Wedding Date - she's packing and gets to a point where she's running everywhere and can't decide what chore to tackle or what move to make. She ends up in the kitchen, moving in this cartoonish dance of indecision. Debra Messing makes it look light-hearted and funny. My dance makes me look uncommitted. Maybe it's because there is so much to think about or do that I don't know where to start. Or maybe that's just an excuse. Maybe I'm really insecure and my coping mechanism is avoidance. Or, maybe I'm selling myself short.
It's an interesting position. The middle. I fluctuate between total confidence in myself and total confidence I'm going to fail. How do you prepare for an experience that's so ambiguous? I feel like my brain continues to churn out question after question and I'm no closer to any semblance of an answer. While indescribably frustrating, it's also entertaining. It's as if God is chuckling and saying, "welcome to life." There will never be a highlighted Google Map route to navigate my immature feelings or uncertain future. The future will always be uncertain, that's what makes life enthralling and terrifying.
Amy, you're not special. Everyone is wary of the unknown and anxious in the "between" time. Even though the end is stretched beyond my vision, I know it exists and I know I'm headed in the right direction. Just keep swimming...just keep swimming.